A “Bloggeled” Mind

Have a “bloggeled” mind when you trying to blog can be rough. What is a bloggeled mind? A mind that is moving so fast you can hardly keep up. You can’t focus and you can’t seem to get on track with what you need to do. Including BLOGGING! Ugh. It’s a rough world people.

You want to know WHY my mind is so bloggeled? It’s been a tough few days. And I don’t mean tough in a “gah I have so much to do and the kids won’t stop crying and my house is a disaster” kind of tough. Even though that kind of tough is extremely…..well tough.

I am talking about the “my husband and I argued all weekend, I feel like I am completely breaking down, and I have no idea WHO I am” kind of tough. See, my husband broke it to me in a very gentle way that he doesn’t feel like “he knows me”. Talk about a punch to the stomach. What happened a split second later was another punch to the stomach. I don’t know who I am. When I really started to take a moment to think about it, the past 3, almost 4 years all I have literally done is try to take care of my kids and make my husband happy. And everyone else around me. Like my parents, my in-laws, my co-workers, and so on.

But that is just how I have always been. I have always been a “people pleaser” and I don’t know how to turn that off. Making people happy makes me happy. But we all know that saying, “You can’t help others until you help yourself.”. Well I’m finding it to be more and more true. I feel like I am running on empty. I feel like lately I am just constantly disappointing even when I’m trying really hard to NOT disappoint. I can’t help but think it’s because it doesn’t matter how hard I try to please other people, it’s not going to be good if I am not happy as well.

Basically, life is just going to be miserable if I don’t sooner or later start doing  what makes me happy too. I am important too. No one is going to value me until I value me. Don’t get me wrong, I still LOVE to do things for other people. I love to see other people smile. But I have to invest in me too.

But where do I start? How do I find ME again? How do I figure out what makes me happy when all I know is making other people happy? I need a hobby….like a blog? 🙂 Yeah. A blog sounds cool. 😛 But what else? I used to LOVE line dancing. I used to go every weekend! (Don’t judge. I live in the south). Maybe that is an option. I should really try to hang out with friends more. It’s a little difficult with kids though. But it’s worth the effort right. I literally feel like I have no friends right now. But that’s my fault. I have been to wound up in my own life and my own little family. That’s okay though. Being a “newly wed” and a mother of 2 under the age of 3 is TIME CONSUMING. I just have to MAKE the time. And I will MAKE THE TIME. Because I am worth it.

You are woth it

The Emotional Atomic Bomb

It can destroy everything around you. It can make your entire life crumble around you. It can kill you from the inside out. It can leave hurt and shame in its wake. It’s nothing you can touch, but you can feel it in every inch of your body. It’s called Anger and it is the most powerful weapon of destruction.

Anger is powerful emotion that we all feel at some point. Even the most laid back person can have their fuse lit by a bad situation. But it’s a natural emotion so it can’t be that bad, right?
Eh. Yes it’s a natural emotion, and FEELING anger is not a bad thing. It’s human. Acting out in anger, that’s where people get in trouble. This is where people get confused and end up feeling guilty because they simply feel angry. This thought process is ridiculous. You are going to feel angry when you are mistreated or done wrong. These are God-given emotions that we shouldn’t be made to feel guilty about.

It’s in the action of anger that people are hurt, families torn apart, and lives potentially destroyed. How can one little emotion cause so much pain? It’s not a little emotion. It is one of the most powerful emotions we as humans can feel. Sometimes I wonder if it is more powerful than love. I know, sounds really dark, but what’s that saying, “You hurt the people closest to you.”? Is it easier for us to get angry at the people we are closest too? In that instance, anger can overshadow any feeling of love we have towards someone. We say things we don’t mean just cause pain to people who have angered us. We try to find ways to hurt people who have hurt us because we are angry.

So how do we handle this overpowering feeling? There are so many articles, post, and even books out there about how to handle anger. Some of them have really great coping methods or ideas. I am not a psychiatrist or therapist and I am NOT an expert on this subject in the least.

I am like everyone else out there. I say things I regret, do things I wish I could take back, feel shame after hurting someone who I care about. I’m imperfect, I’m human, and I’m okay with that. I’m not okay with just letting anger take control of me and how I live my life.My marriage has been on the verge of ending and my family being torn apart because of anger and stubbornness. I have yelled at my kids out of anger and frustration. Thinking about the hurt I’ve caused people I love breaks my heart and I don’t want to be like that anymore.

That’s my motivation. My family. They deserve the very best version of me and a lot of the time, they get the worst after a stressful day at work or a rough night of no sleep. That’s not right and not fair to them. So here is how I plan on fixing that.

1. I will no longer focus on the negative.
When I get in an argument I tend to focus on only the negative of that person. That tends to only escalate the problem and leave me feeling more angry. What if instead of focusing on what I’m angry about or what upsets me about that person, I take a step back and look past that moment and remember how good of person they really are? That may just make whatever we are arguing about so much less important.

2. I will try to be more understanding
I try to make the person I’m arguing with see my side and understand why I’m upset. Most of the time, the other person is just as stubborn as me and they just want me to see their side. This just creates more frustration and anger. So instead, why not be the bigger person and step out of your own way and try to understand WHY the other person is upset. Maybe, just maybe, this will cause us to grow us a person.

3. I will walk away BEFORE things get heated
Sometimes no matter what we do, neither person can come to an understanding and things just keep getting more and more heated. When you start to realize that things are at a stand still and the more you try to fight it the worse the arguments get, maybe it’s time just walk away from the argument and the person for a little bit until things cool down. It’s really hard to have a rational conversation when both people are heated. Maybe the best thing to do is let both people cool down and come back to the subject later.

 

This is just a few things I’m going to try to start putting into practice. I’m going to mess up. I’m going to make mistakes. I’m going to lose my cool again from time to time. I realize that. That doesn’t mean I’m going to give up on trying to be a better person, a better wife, and a better mom. One day I’ll look back and realize how far I’ve really come if I just don’t give up.

anger control