Yearn

Image result for yearn for god

 

My prayer for this post is that God will use my words to further His Kingdom and bring glory only to Him.

Isaiah 26:9 My soul yearns for You in the night. In the morning my spirit longs for You.

Yearning: to have an intense feeling of longing for something, typically something that one has lost or been separated from. 

I get home from a full day of work, I fix my 5 and 3 year old dinner, have 5 minutes to eat my dinner, give them their bath, get them in bed and after 45 minutes of stories and songs, the kids are finally asleep and I have peace and quiet. The only thing I want to do is plop on the couch and binge watch some new show on netflix or hop in a hot bath before bed. Hmmm. Finally some ME time….But….
Halfway through getting the kids in bed all I can think about is relaxing once they are asleep….But….
Something is tugging at my heart. Tugging HARD.
See this morning I woke up late and was barely able to get out of the house to get to work on time…ish. And I missed something very important. THE most important thing….My quiet time alone with my Heavenly Father. I just thought “Oh I’ll take a few minutes once I get to my desk and read a few scriptures.” But of course, I get to work and I immediately get swept up in the busyness of the day. All day I’m running around focusing on task after task, but I feel this emptiness inside. I feel a slight thirst for time with my God that grows throughout the day.
By the end of my crazy day, that thirst, that desire has my heart hurting. I MISSED my bible time so much my heart was YEARNING for God.

You see, when we are SEPARATED (see definition of “yearning above”) from our Lord, even for a little while, our soul will YEARN for Him. Our hearts NEED Him. And I don’t believe this is just all some crazy emotion.

That yearning we feel is God calling us to Him. It’s Him reminding us that we need him. You see, our God, King of Kings, WANTS to spend time with US. (This just blows my mind every time). But he does! He desires for us to know Him and he will nudge us over and over until He is flat out banging on the door of our hearts for us to let Him in. For us to sit down and just spend time focused on His word.

And you remember that peace and quiet I wanted? Well to find that ultimate perfect peace, I have to let the Lord fill my mind, heart and soul. Then and only then will I truly have PEACE and quiet. 🙂

 

Finding Your Value When You Feel Worthless

freeing

Do you ever wish you could have that feeling back that you had when you were a teenager or a kid? That feeling that you could conquer the world? Or at least change it for the better? For most of us, it seems like as we grow older, life finds a way of beating that feeling out of us. We get out in the “real world” and realize all of our dreams are going to take REAL work. HARD work. And you are going to fail. A lot. Most of us aren’t as prepared for it as we thought. Don’t get me wrong. There are those rare diamonds in the rough that are ready and willing to do the work it takes to succeed in life. You guys are my inspiration. My motivation. But for must of us, including me, it takes falling down and getting kicked around a bit to realize we’re going to have to toughen up. And it’s scary.

Yeah. I said it. The real world is scary. I know I sound pathetic right now. Like “Grow up and put your big girl panties on already!”. I get it. But one person can only fall down so much before they start to feel…well…worthless. Life literally beats your confidence out of you and leaves you a broken shell. You can call it depression. But then you start to feel like you aren’t even worthy of feeling depressed. There are people with way worse problems than yours. Who do you think you are? You aren’t depressed. You’re a cry baby. Yeah. I’ve said these things to myself before. I’ve also said things like Why can’t you get your shiz together? Are you really this pathetic? You can’t even handle the basics of life! STOP! Why? Why do we do this to ourselves? We beat ourselves up for being human.

I reiterate my previous statement. Life.Is.Hard. It’s okay to feel defeated or broken. Let me list all the ways today ALONE I feel like I failed:

  • I woke up 20 minutes late despite all my promises to get up EARLY.
  • I took my child to school despite her telling me her tummy hurts. Pull in the parking lot at work, get a call from the day care that she has returned her already eaten pop tart to the classroom floor. Great mommy skills there. :/
  • So I get a free day off work and what do I do? Take a nap and watch TV with my 4 year old. Did I do any cleaning? No. Workout? No. Do anything productive? Nah.
  • I snapped at my two year old rather rudely when she refuses to potty during potty break but 5 minutes later poops her diaper. Again. Great mommy skills.
  • I had every intention of eating healthy today. Did I? Not even close. I say this with 5 empty smarty wrappers beside me.

I can dig deeper and probably list 20 more ways I failed today. But let’s be honest. Are any of these really a reason to feel worthless? Let’s flip the script and look at this from the other side.

  • I got 20 extra minutes of sleep to help energize me for my unpredictable crazy day.
  • I was trying to be a good mommy and make sure my kid didn’t miss a day a school and was crossing my fingers her tummy ache was just that she ate too much.
  • I got a free day off work to cuddle with my sick baby, watch all her favorite shows with her, and get some good one-on-one time with her I don’t normally get. The cleaning and working out can wait.
  • I snapped at my two year out of frustration. Which is wrong. BUT I am only frustrated because I want her to potty train so she doesn’t have to rely on mommy to change her diapers forever. (Lord help me)
  • Eating healthy is great. But I was able to enjoy some of the foods I enjoy like CANDY and Cheetos while I spent quality time with my four year old.

So yeah, there is always a way to positively spin a negative situation. But sometimes, even that isn’t enough. Trying to force yourself to think positively when you feel worthless can make you feel…fake. So here is a list of somethings you can do to help you FEEL more valuable.
*Note: I just want you all to know that no matter what, you are a valuable. Every one was created for a purpose. Sometimes it’s just hard to feel it. So these are simply just things you can do to help you FEEL more valuable. 

  • Get out of bed- I struggle with this one DAILY. Morning’s are not my thing. But when I don’t wake up on time or even early, I end up rushing and feeling frustrated and snapping at my kids. I get to work late and feel like a bad employee. I know that bed can feel comfortable and safe, but it’s really only making matters worse. Get your 8 hours of sleep each night then get up and get moving.
  • Make a schedule- Again. I struggle monumentally with this one. I’ve always been a fly-by-the-seat-of-your-pants kinda person. Once I got married and had kids, that doesn’t really work anymore. If I don’t have a schedule, I’m running around hectic not really knowing what I’m doing. I end up forgetting things or being more stressed out. I feel like a bad mom or wife for not being able to handle life better. So get a planner or a calendar and write down your daily things that need to be done. Create a cleaning schedule. Write down all your appointments. Put down important dates. And look at that planner every day. Several times a day. Make sure you know what’s coming up for the next week or two. It will so help you prepare and feel less stressed or intimidated.
  • Make a list– Okay, so this one I actually like to do. I list my goals. I list my dreams. My grocery list. My to-do list. List list list. This kinda goes along with scheduling in the fact that it helps you feel more organized and can definitely keep the stress to a minimum.
  • Get outside– If you are a stay-at-home mom or work full time, or whatever, if you sit within four walls all day every day, they can start to close in really quick. I know you may feel comfortable. And sometimes the thought of having to get around others people and interact them when you are feeling depressed can be suffocating. But here’s the thing, you can get outdoors and breathe fresh air without having to come in contact with a single soul. I fully support our nations National Park’s (probably because I graduated with a Parks, Recreation, and Tourism Management). Now, I may have exaggerated a little about the “not a single soul” thing, because if the weather is right, you’ll see others out there. But here’s the thing, you don’t have to interact them. Odds are they are all out there for the same reason. To get away from the hustle and bustle and the stress of their every day life and they just want the peace of nature. Not a nature person? That’s fine too. Just got out in your back yard. Sit on your porch. Sometimes the simple act of breathing fresh air is good for the soul.
  • Read a book– Books are a marvelous thing. They can take you to worlds you never imagined. They can teach you about things you never knew existed. Getting away to another world or into someone else’s story can be freeing. Plus the accomplishment you feel once you finish a book can add a little self value.
  • Write– Let’s just say this, writing this post right now I feel like is already adding some value to my day. I can only hope it adds some value to someone who reads it. Sometimes just getting your thoughts and ideas on paper will help you realize your potential. You have big dreams? Right them down. They don’t seem so intimidating on paper.
  • Do a short work out– So when life is crazy, the thought of going to a gym and working out for hours can seem impossible. But you don’t have to do hours worth of exercise or even go to a gym to work out and feel accomplished. Guys, I work for a gym, have a FREE gym membership and NEVER use it. Being a mom of 2 under the age of 5 and working full time, adding 1-2 extra hours at a gym makes my brain spin. But seriously, make SOME time to workout at home! By some I mean 10-20 minutes. If you can fit in 30, great! Go for it. And do something SIMPLE. Sometimes I literally just run up and down my stairs for 10 minutes and that’s my workout. Do some jumping jacks. Push ups. Sit ups. Jog in place. Do something. Get the endorphin’s going. Science and self proven, endorphin’s are real and really do add some happy to your blue mood. Plus. You will feel accomplished. You will feel proud.
  • Learn something new- This can be literally anything.One of my resolutions for next year is to learn French. Not for any particular purpose. Just for myself. My husband is working on learning to play the piano/keyboard. When you start to learn something and you can see yourself grow, you feel proud. Like, “Wow. I just did that.” You may even find your passion. That one thing that helps you get out of bed at 5 am with a smile instead of a groan.

This is a small list of things that can be done, that I do, to help me feel a little more valuable when all I feel is worthless. That worthless feeling can be crushing, but it won’t go away by hiding. It will only grow and become deeper and darker. Find the strength to drag yourself out of it. I’m trying to find that strength right now. And if I can do it, anyone, everyone can.

6 Goals for 2017 That Have Nothing To Do with Losing Weight


31 days left. That’s it. 31 days until this crazy, painfully long year of 2016 is over. Now don’t get me wrong, this year hasn’t been HORRIBLE, but it has most definitely not been the year I was hoping for. We all have these hopes and dreams for the upcoming year around this time. Between getting ready for the holidays and spending time with family and all the merriness that goes with Christmas, that desire of wanting to better ourselves and have a fresh start still stirs beneath all the holiday cheer. Sure it seems cliche, but in my humble opinion, its human nature to want to better yourself. To never settle. To be ambitious. Of course, everyone is unique and how you choose to use your ambition is completely up to you. You can either choose to ignore that urge to change, or you can chase after with all you have.

So with that ambition in mind, it’s no wonder that we thirst for a chance at a fresh start. And every year, exactly one week after Christmas we get that chance at a fresh start. Ahhhh New Years. We now a brand new batch of 365 days. And what that new batch of days comes a new batch of goals.Don’t we just love setting goals for ourselves? For me, just putting my goals on paper gives me….hope. I know I know. Cheesy. I am who I am. No apologies. 🙂

One thing that does irk me about New Years Goal, majority of them are centered around losing weight. Not that losing weight is a bad goal. It is actually one of my goals for 2017 as well. Let’s face it, I can’t blame my extra 40 lbs on my little 3 year old anymore. BUT, there is so much more to bettering yourself than bettering your looks. So for 2017 I’ve decided to challenge myself with my goals. I will not focus solely on my outer appearance.Instead, I will focus on WHO I am. What I think, how I think, and how I act. These are my 2017 goals that have nothing to do with losing weight.

  1. Learn French-After doing some VERY limited research, I found that if I put in 10 hours a day, I SHOULD be able to learn a language in as little as 48 DAYS!….HA. Between a full time job and 2 kids under the age of 5, I’ll be lucky to put in 10 minutes a day. But I’ve always wanted to learn a second language, for many reasons. I would love to learn French in case I ever get the chance to visit Europe and I want to see as “un-touristy” as possible. And also, apparently being bilingual makes you much more valuable in the workforce.
  2. Start my masters degree-Yup. I’m in a rut career wise. I’m in a position with not a whole lot of chance for vertical movement if you know what I mean. I do love my job. I love where I work and I ADORE the people I work with. But I also love opportunity. I’m 27. I do not want to be in the same job I’m at now at 40. I’ve already applied and been accepted to a Human Resources Management Master program here in Greenville. I’m set to start in Fall of 2017. Plenty of time to find Financial Aid…right?
  3. Pay off ALL credit card debt- Credit Cards can be useful, if you know how to use them. I obviously do not. It’s painfully obvious I need to get rid of them and avoid them at all possible cost. I have enough debt in Student Loans. Why do I add insult to injury with Credit Cards?
  4. Save up a decent size emergency fund- This kind of goes with #3. I need to have an emergency fund for all of life’s lovely surprises if I plan on NOT using my devil credit cards. So what is a decent size? I would say $20,000, but that’s just me being greedy and unrealistic. So for 2017, my goal # is $5,000. No, I don’t have an extra $5000 every year to just throw in savings on just my full time income. But that’s what side hustles are for right? Saving money and beating debt? I’ll keep you guys updated with any side hustle ideas that work amazing or fall flat. I’m sure there will be lots of entertaining stories there.
  5. Be kinder- I know I know. This is awful general. But I have definitely noticed a hint of negativity in my persona lately. I stress out easily. I have a shorter fuse and the frustration tends to pour out on my kids or my husband. The LAST thing I want to be is THAT mom that just yells at her kids all the time. I don’t want my kids to fear me. I want them to know that 1) I am their parent, but 2) I am also their biggest cheerleader. The negativity has got to go. Not just for me, but for those around me.
  6. Pray more-This….This I believe can change everything. I’ve always been a tad religious. I believe in God. I believe Jesus died on the cross. And I try very hard to believe he loves me. Sometimes it’s hard because I find myself a person that can be very hard to love.But God is God and I am not so I will never understand his unconditional love. I will never wrap my head around that when I pray, He really is listening and He really does CARE about what I have to say. the creator of the universe CARES about MY thoughts, my worries, my joy, and my saddness. It’s humbling. I have GOT to get on my knees more and cry out for His help. Because obviously, I fail hard on my own.

There ya go. 6 well thought out goals for 2017. Now, every goal needs a plan. Because without a plan, it’s just a dream. That’s what this next 31 days is about. Planning for these goals. I will meet 2017 head on, completely prepared….HA. Well, slightly prepared. 🙂

The Quiet Whisper of Change

Change. Not a big eloquent word. But a word packed with so much meaning. To some people, change is something beautiful and exciting. Full of promise and possibilities. For others, change is scary, full of uncertainty.

It can mean something completely different at different times and seasons in our lives. The birth of a new baby, that big promotion at work, that unexpected amazing person that walks in and literally changes everything. A season of happiness and joy.

Change can also be the loss of a job, an unexpected sickness, or that one amazing person walking out and literally changing everything. A season of fear and sadness.

No matter what season you are in and how you see change at this moment, it can be completely overwhelming. In the overwhelming-ness of it all, what we don’t seem to realize is that change is never a quick event. We seem to be so caught up in the here and now and what is right in front of us, we miss the big picture. We never see a change until it’s in our here and now and it’s affecting where our focus is. We need to take a step back and quit hyper focusing on one area of our lives.

“Change is a whisper. It’s a season. It’s slow and quiet and not very dramatic.”

Sometimes we lie to ourselves. We block out all the signs that change is coming, or is happening. We don’t face it until we are forced to. Then when we finally come face to face with change, we question how. We question why.

Sometimes we look for change in the wrong places. We focus on only the things we can control. Change is inevitable and completely out of our hands. We only have a say in how we handle it.

Our world changes daily. Hourly. Every second. We have no control of what goes on around us. It’s utterly terrifying. And at times it’s thrilling. It can breathe hope into a seemingly hopeless situation.

I guess all I’m trying to say in all of this is,:we can’t change change. We can only change how we prepare for it and how we handle it. Know that every season has an ending. At the end of every storm the sun shines brighter than before. And for the sake of being cliche, see the big picture. This is life is so much bigger than me or you.

 

My 30 Day Detox

It’s nothing new. People (girls more than men) struggle with body image issues. I am no different. I am a mother of 2 youngin’s, who never got her 20 year old body back after two pregnancies. I’m not ignorant. I didn’t expect to be a size 2 a week after having my second baby. But I definitely did NOT expect to be 20 pounds over weight. Well, what can I say, I took advantage of being pregnant and those pregnancy cravings just a little bit.

My youngest is now about a year and half. I’m still no where near my weight goal from a year ago. And that’s my fault. I didn’t discipline myself like I should. It’s true, what they say. “A year ago you will be wishing you started today.” I really do wish I had started this health journey a year ago.

So I decided to finally get things straight and take control of my health. I was tired of being sluggish and having NO energy all the time and just flat out feeling horrible about myself physically and mentally. In April I did a 30 Day Detox using Arbonne products. Now if you have never heard of Arbonne products, they aren’t very popular, but they are amazing! They are all natural, gluten free, dairy free, plant based, all the good healthy stuff you can think of. I lost 20 pounds! I was feeling amazing! And even once the detox was over I stuck with my healthy eating there for awhile! But lately, I have kind of “fallen off the wagon.” I haven’t gained much weight back, only a couple of pounds, my I’m heading in the wrong direction that’s for sure. So I’m taking the reigns back and starting on the 30 day detox again.

Let me explain the basic’s of this detox:

  • It’s 2 protein shakes a day (breakfast and lunch. And remember this all natural, gluten free, dairy free, etc)
  • 1 Arbonne detox tea a day
  • 2 Energy fizz stick (these have a ton of B12 in them so you don’t crash from lack of caffeine during the day if you are used to having coffee or soda every day) You put these in your water or your tea and they come in Citrus or pomegranate flavor. They are delicious!
  • Take on Digestion Plus a day. It’s a powder you put in a small glass of water and chug it. Not gonna lie. This stuff is nasty. But it’s a part of the process!
  • For dinner Arbonne give’s you a TON of recipes you can use that are all (again) Gluten Free, Dairy Free, and Caffeine free! And they have some delicious recipes! Turkey burger, chipotle shrimp, lemon salmon, and on and on!
  • And lastly, during your 3rd week of the detox, you don’t use the tea, you drink a packet of what is called your 7 Day Cleanse. This is a HUGE part of detoxing! You just put the packet in a 32 oz bottle of water and drink it over a 4-6 hour period.

I know it sounds easy but when you are used to eating JUNK day in and day out it can be kind of tough but it is SO worth it! I’m excited to start my second month of this! I’m going to keep you guys updated with how I’m working, how it’s working, and my results! Wish me luck!

Here is the link to arbonne’s website if you are interested in more of their products!

http://www.arbonne.com/pws/homeoffice/tabs/home.aspx

*By the way, I am in now way form or fashion associated with Arbonne. I am not a rep for Arbonne. I just love their products.*

When You “Love-Hate” Your Job

I have worked at my place of employment on and off for 8 years. I started my Junior year of High School. It’s really the only place I’ve worked at for more than a few months. I love this place. I know this place. I have given this place “blood”, “sweat”, and tears. Real tears. I’m comfortable here. The thought of going to work any where else is…well….scary for me. BUT should being comfortable at your job keep you there if your job doesn’t make you HAPPY? I try to be happy here. Every day I go in with a positive outlook and positive thoughts but every day I leave thinking “THANK GOODNESS I’m going HOME!”. It’s not just a couple of times, once a week, or hardly at all that I think this. It’s EVERYDAY. The only thing GOOD I can think about this place anymore is, “Well at least I like the people I work with….most of them.”

 

So what do I do? I’m only 25. I don’t have bookoo’s of work experience. I have a 4 year degree, but not in anything special. This place is going to pay me better than anyone else will until I get more experience under my belt. But I’m literally MISERABLE every day. I’m not doing anything I’m passionate about. I want to pull my hair out well before lunch. I don’t want to be unhappy every day. I want to enjoy life. I want to wake up every day and be excited about what I do. Well….almost every day. I know nothing is perfect.

 

So what have I been doing? Researching. Looking at open jobs. Nothing that’s much different than what I’m doing now. At least that I’m qualified for. Maybe I should be my own boss? But what would I do? I’m not good at MAKING anything and I’m not crafty so selling home made stuff is out. I can’t bake or cook so that’s out. I’m not organized or great at planning so that’s not a good idea for ANYONE. What am I good at? Making people smile. But what can I do with that? I’m a people person but where can that take me? Something has got to start flowing here soon.

 

When I figure my life out, you’ll be the first to know. 😉

Why I Chose a Small Wedding

Lately around the office where I work there has been way too much talk about the flower-picking, cake-tasting, venue-searching, dress stress of weddings. See, 90% of the office I work at is women. And ONE of them is getting married in less than 4 months. But you see, it only takes one woman, one wedding, to make every other woman in a 100 foot radius start reminiscing about their day as cinderella or, if they aren’t married yet, start dreaming about how perfect their day will be.

Don’t get me wrong, dreaming about your wedding day and how beautiful and perfect you want it to be, there is nothing wrong with that. There is nothing wrong with having BIG, extravagant weddings if that is what you want. But it just wasn’t for me.

My wedding was incredibly small and simple. And stress free and fun and relaxed. One of the best days of my life! I had a total of 19 people at my wedding. My husband and I got married in a small chapel in Gatlinburg, TN that did the flowers, the music, the decorations, and even supplied a cake. The “reception”? We all headed back to the cabin my husband and I would be staying at for our honeymoon. My mother-in law made the food. It was all simple finger foods and it was all delicious. My mom and Aunt worked together and made some gorgeous decorations and center pieces. Our DJ? An Ipod hooked up to my dads small sound system he had brought with him. We all ate and danced and talked and just had fun. It was perfect.

So why did I choose a small wedding? Well the majority of the answers are pretty obvious but I’ll go ahead and spell it out. 😉

1. WAY less stress
I believe I already stated this but I will state it again because this was such a big deal today. I literally felt no stress my wedding day. Everything was planned out and taken care of. Everything was simple but well put together. I was able to relax and enjoy getting up, going and getting my hair done. Going to lunch with my family. Getting dressed and ready with my ONE bridesmaid. It was….well fun!

2. There was NO financial stress added BECAUSE of the wedding
The chapel was something my parents could afford. It didn’t stress them out because it wasn’t thousands of dollars. It was a beautiful chapel in the mountains. It was also small and very affordable. My mother-in-law pitched in by buying and making all the food. This wasn’t expensive either because there was only 19 of us. My dad was an awesome FREE “DJ”. He picked out some great music and put together a great playlist for us to dance and have fun to. No fancy lights, no HUGE cake or expensive cocktails. But that day felt like a million bucks. 🙂

3. I was able to “cut up” more
The fact that I only had 19 people at my wedding meant that I only invited people very near and dear to mine and my husbands hearts. It was majority family with a couple of life long friends. Because the only people that were at my wedding were people I loved and knew very well, I was able to let loose more! I didn’t feel the need to entertain everyone. I didn’t have to go around and have awkward small talk with guest I’m not even sure who they are. I felt like I was able to be more “me”. After all, it was MY day.

I’m sure I can think of plenty more reasons for having a small wedding but these were the biggest reasons for me. It really felt like the day was mine and my husbands. It wasn’t a show put on for everyone else. It was sincerely about my husband and I coming together as one (sorry, got a little cheesy there for a second).

Before I finish I will note there was ONE bad thing about having a small wedding. Narrowing down the guest list to 20 or less. I had to tell some of my best friends that they were not invited. MOST of them understood. Some of them were a little selfish about it. But oh well. It was my day. The guest list did cause a little stress before the wedding. But as for the wedding day? I wouldn’t have it any other way.

wedding day 1

wedding day 2

wedding day 3

wedding day 4

A “Bloggeled” Mind

Have a “bloggeled” mind when you trying to blog can be rough. What is a bloggeled mind? A mind that is moving so fast you can hardly keep up. You can’t focus and you can’t seem to get on track with what you need to do. Including BLOGGING! Ugh. It’s a rough world people.

You want to know WHY my mind is so bloggeled? It’s been a tough few days. And I don’t mean tough in a “gah I have so much to do and the kids won’t stop crying and my house is a disaster” kind of tough. Even though that kind of tough is extremely…..well tough.

I am talking about the “my husband and I argued all weekend, I feel like I am completely breaking down, and I have no idea WHO I am” kind of tough. See, my husband broke it to me in a very gentle way that he doesn’t feel like “he knows me”. Talk about a punch to the stomach. What happened a split second later was another punch to the stomach. I don’t know who I am. When I really started to take a moment to think about it, the past 3, almost 4 years all I have literally done is try to take care of my kids and make my husband happy. And everyone else around me. Like my parents, my in-laws, my co-workers, and so on.

But that is just how I have always been. I have always been a “people pleaser” and I don’t know how to turn that off. Making people happy makes me happy. But we all know that saying, “You can’t help others until you help yourself.”. Well I’m finding it to be more and more true. I feel like I am running on empty. I feel like lately I am just constantly disappointing even when I’m trying really hard to NOT disappoint. I can’t help but think it’s because it doesn’t matter how hard I try to please other people, it’s not going to be good if I am not happy as well.

Basically, life is just going to be miserable if I don’t sooner or later start doing  what makes me happy too. I am important too. No one is going to value me until I value me. Don’t get me wrong, I still LOVE to do things for other people. I love to see other people smile. But I have to invest in me too.

But where do I start? How do I find ME again? How do I figure out what makes me happy when all I know is making other people happy? I need a hobby….like a blog? 🙂 Yeah. A blog sounds cool. 😛 But what else? I used to LOVE line dancing. I used to go every weekend! (Don’t judge. I live in the south). Maybe that is an option. I should really try to hang out with friends more. It’s a little difficult with kids though. But it’s worth the effort right. I literally feel like I have no friends right now. But that’s my fault. I have been to wound up in my own life and my own little family. That’s okay though. Being a “newly wed” and a mother of 2 under the age of 3 is TIME CONSUMING. I just have to MAKE the time. And I will MAKE THE TIME. Because I am worth it.

You are woth it

Scrapbooking 101: Scrapbooking with Paint!

It’s truly amazing what Advil, cold medicine, and lots of rest can do in a day. My favorite part was the REST. I would take that even if I wasn’t sick. The peace and quiet I got today was heavenly. But that is beside the point. I am feeling much better and raring to tell you about my scrapbook adventure from last night!

My mom just had a birthday last week and since she is a scrapbooking enthusiast, I signed us up for a scrapbooking 101 class at Michael’s! Just something we could do mother daughter that I knew she would love. She has tried for YEARS to get me into scrapbooking too but as a teenager I was just not interested. I had “more important” things to do. Like going to bon fires and sleeping until noon. Ah, those were the days.

Recently, however, after having kids and a family of my own, I have started to think that scrapbooking might be something cool I could do that will give my kiddo’s something to look back on old memories. I know even though I never really got into scrapbooking, I always enjoyed looking at my mom’s albums from birthdays, vacations, holiday, etc.

So I guess you could say last night was my step “101” into scrapbooking. This class was interesting because it included Acrylic paint in the process. I have NEVER heard of using PAINT for scrapbooking. But it actually turned out pretty cool. Here is a picture of the end product. I’ll tell you step by step how we did it. (Disclaimer: I am not nor have I ever been a professional photographer. Not even close. So excuse the amateur quality of these pictures.)

scrapbook 3

Let me tell you it was SUPER easy and turned out looking pretty neat! My theme was Baby girl 1st birthday so most of my colors were pink. You can pick your embellishments and colors based on what theme you are wanting to do.

Things you will need:
3-4  12×12 card stock paper
white acrylic paint
Any color acrylic pain that will go with your theme
Any color ink pad that will go with your theme. Michael’s had special ink pads just for scrapbooking that wouldn’t hurt your photos if any got on them.
Adhesives for you pictures and embellishments. I used the E-Z runner for my pictures, which is a safe adhesives for your photos and goes on really easy. I used pop up glue dots for my embellishments.
Scissors or cutting boards
Any embellishments that you want to use for your theme (I used floral embellishments and rhinestones)

Step 1:
Pick the two pieces of paper you want to be your two “foundation pages”. We did a two page spread. If you only want to do one page, you will one need one piece of the card stock. On each piece of paper, take white acrylic paint and paint all over it, however you want to. You will want to make sure the paint is smooth so the pictures stick easier. I basically painted up and down the page cover the middle, then side to side so I covered a little more space. Next you will want to take the paint color that will go with your theme. Put a little on a plate and add a little bit of water. You don’t want to water it down completely. Just enough to take some of the thickness out of it. Dab your paint brush in the paint, then over your paper, tap the brush on the side of your hand. It should create a splatter like look on your page. It will look something like this:

Scrapbook 1

You can do as little or as much as you want. Whatever your heart desires. It’s your page!
Once you are done with the paint, you can use a hair dryer for it to dry faster or just let it sit out for a little bit.

Step 2:
Next you will want to “mat your pictures”. Basically you are just putting a piece of paper behind your picture to make a matted look. You will want to use a color paper that is not the same as your foundation page but goes with your theme. I used a darker pink than my foundation page. A big thing I learned at this class was NORMALLY your mats are 1/4th of an inch bigger than the pictures. My pictures were all 4X6 so easy enough, I cut my mats to 4 1/4X 6 1/4 inches. I’m not a math person but that was easy enough for me. Use your pictures safe adhesives to stick your pictures to your mat then rearrange the pictures on your foundation page however you like. It’s normally 4-6 pictures for a two page spread. I used 4. 2 per page. Use the safe adhesive to mount the matted pictures to your foundation page

scrapbook 2

 

Step 3:
Embellishments!! This was my favorite part. Whatever embellishments you picked, arrange them on your page however you want. This may take a couple of tries before you get something you really love. This step took me the longest but that’s because I had to try like 7 different designs before I found something I really loved. I had floral embellishments and rhinestones. I used pop up glue dots to stick the floral embellishments to the page.

And there you have it! A pretty scrapbook page with PAINT! Now I will admit, the paint background is really really cute, but it is not something I will be using MUCH. I like my pages to look a little more organized. But now I can say this scrapbook page background was done with paint. And I think it definitely turned out better than I thought. And as I said before, it was SUPER easy.

So let me know what you think! Or if you have any other tips and trick for a newbie scrapbooker, leave it in the comments!

The Emotional Atomic Bomb

It can destroy everything around you. It can make your entire life crumble around you. It can kill you from the inside out. It can leave hurt and shame in its wake. It’s nothing you can touch, but you can feel it in every inch of your body. It’s called Anger and it is the most powerful weapon of destruction.

Anger is powerful emotion that we all feel at some point. Even the most laid back person can have their fuse lit by a bad situation. But it’s a natural emotion so it can’t be that bad, right?
Eh. Yes it’s a natural emotion, and FEELING anger is not a bad thing. It’s human. Acting out in anger, that’s where people get in trouble. This is where people get confused and end up feeling guilty because they simply feel angry. This thought process is ridiculous. You are going to feel angry when you are mistreated or done wrong. These are God-given emotions that we shouldn’t be made to feel guilty about.

It’s in the action of anger that people are hurt, families torn apart, and lives potentially destroyed. How can one little emotion cause so much pain? It’s not a little emotion. It is one of the most powerful emotions we as humans can feel. Sometimes I wonder if it is more powerful than love. I know, sounds really dark, but what’s that saying, “You hurt the people closest to you.”? Is it easier for us to get angry at the people we are closest too? In that instance, anger can overshadow any feeling of love we have towards someone. We say things we don’t mean just cause pain to people who have angered us. We try to find ways to hurt people who have hurt us because we are angry.

So how do we handle this overpowering feeling? There are so many articles, post, and even books out there about how to handle anger. Some of them have really great coping methods or ideas. I am not a psychiatrist or therapist and I am NOT an expert on this subject in the least.

I am like everyone else out there. I say things I regret, do things I wish I could take back, feel shame after hurting someone who I care about. I’m imperfect, I’m human, and I’m okay with that. I’m not okay with just letting anger take control of me and how I live my life.My marriage has been on the verge of ending and my family being torn apart because of anger and stubbornness. I have yelled at my kids out of anger and frustration. Thinking about the hurt I’ve caused people I love breaks my heart and I don’t want to be like that anymore.

That’s my motivation. My family. They deserve the very best version of me and a lot of the time, they get the worst after a stressful day at work or a rough night of no sleep. That’s not right and not fair to them. So here is how I plan on fixing that.

1. I will no longer focus on the negative.
When I get in an argument I tend to focus on only the negative of that person. That tends to only escalate the problem and leave me feeling more angry. What if instead of focusing on what I’m angry about or what upsets me about that person, I take a step back and look past that moment and remember how good of person they really are? That may just make whatever we are arguing about so much less important.

2. I will try to be more understanding
I try to make the person I’m arguing with see my side and understand why I’m upset. Most of the time, the other person is just as stubborn as me and they just want me to see their side. This just creates more frustration and anger. So instead, why not be the bigger person and step out of your own way and try to understand WHY the other person is upset. Maybe, just maybe, this will cause us to grow us a person.

3. I will walk away BEFORE things get heated
Sometimes no matter what we do, neither person can come to an understanding and things just keep getting more and more heated. When you start to realize that things are at a stand still and the more you try to fight it the worse the arguments get, maybe it’s time just walk away from the argument and the person for a little bit until things cool down. It’s really hard to have a rational conversation when both people are heated. Maybe the best thing to do is let both people cool down and come back to the subject later.

 

This is just a few things I’m going to try to start putting into practice. I’m going to mess up. I’m going to make mistakes. I’m going to lose my cool again from time to time. I realize that. That doesn’t mean I’m going to give up on trying to be a better person, a better wife, and a better mom. One day I’ll look back and realize how far I’ve really come if I just don’t give up.

anger control