Alright, I need all the wives out there to close your eyes and think back to simple times. You know, the time before kids and full time jobs and mortgages and responsibilities. Now lets zone in on the first time you met your now hubby (slang for husband for all the proper speaking folks out there). Do you remember butterflies the first time he smiled at you? Or how about when you went on the first date with him? Did the conversation just flow or were the plenty of awkward moments that you both can laugh about now? Ah the beauty of a budding romance.
I’m sure some of you are rolling your eyes at the mere mention of romance. It’s been so long since the honeymoon stage wore off in your marriage you aren’t even sure what romance looks like anymore. We watch the hallmark movies, read the Nicholas Sparks books, and listen to the sappy love songs thrown our way from every single radio station on the dial. We think “Why can’t my husband just put in a little bit of effort?” “I wish someone would see me/think of me/look at me that way again.” And trust me ladies, I get it! 100% understand. I question the love of my husband from time to time. Like when he just want to come home and complain about what didn’t get done when I’ve been bustin’ my butt all day. Or when he’s prone to see the negative instead of the positive. Sometimes he is downright just hard to handle. But guess what? So.Am.I.
Yup. I can be negative Nancy, walking around with a scowl on my face, waiting on someone else to fix everything in my life kind of person. And most of the time, the person I’m looking at to fix everything, is my husband. And when he doesn’t measure up, I’m second guessing his love for me. Fair, right? NOPE. Fact of the matter is, my husband is not my God. He was not put in my life to bring me happiness. Shocking I know. Sometimes as women we expect this grand fairy tale with with a Prince Charming waltzing into our life and taking away all of our cares and worries and we can finally live happily ever after. We want a man to come in and sweep us off our feet and treat us like queens. But ladies, here is some tough love for you. Men were not put on this planet to make us happy and we were definitely not created to just be doted on and waited on hand and foot.
There are a couple of issues I find in the fairy tale type of expectations.
1. You are placing your happiness in man and putting him on a pedestal that only God should be put on. Our happiness and joy should never come from one human. We can’t put those kind of expectations on someone. It’s not fair to them. You see, its inevitable that people, no matter who it is, will disappoint us. Husbands included. If we place all our hope in one person making us happy they will eventually disappoint us and the last thing we want is for our husbands to feel like a disappointment.
2. The fairy tales put all the expectations on the man to do all the work. He must do all the swooning and put in all the effort to win the “princess”. But ladies, we are called to love our husbands just the same. It’s not just the mans job to keep the romance alive. Men love to feel appreciated and important. So let me ask this…and this is a toughy. When was the last time you, as a wife, put forth the extra effort to dote on your husband? Go above and beyond to make him feel loved and special?
I know I know. You are probably sitting there thinking “I already cook him supper every night!” “I take care of the kids every day! He doesn’t have to do a thing!” “I wait on everyone around this house! When is it about me?” Girl I have been there. I’m there on a regular basis. I’m a local to this way of thinking. And there is nothing wrong with wanting some appreciation for yourself. But tread carefully and make sure you aren’t cooking him dinners every night, or taking care of the kids, or doing all the chores just to get some appreciation. Don’t be selfish in your actions. Ouch. I know. You probably want to slap me through the computer screen right now. But hear me out. Once we start expecting something for all the stuff we do for our families we are no longer doing it out of love. We are doing it out of selfish ambition. (Please reference Philippians 2:3-4 here. Gut check verse).
So first we need a heart change. We have got to shift our focus from “I do all these things and no one appreciates me.” to “I do all these things because I love my family and they deserve the best out of me.” Once we shifted our focus from us to them, everything changes. We will want to do more for them simply because we love them. Let me ask you this. Do you think Jesus died on the cross for us because he wanted more appreciation? Or because he loves us and would do anything for us?
Once we have changed our way of thinking and redirected our hearts from our own selfish ambitions to simply loving our families, what are some simple things we can do to show our husbands who truly special they are to us? Simply because we love them? Below is a quick list of things that can be done that don’t take much time and cost you little to no money
Play a game.
No really. Pull out a board game or some cards, turn off the TV and just play a game with each other. Sometimes as married couples with jobs and kids you forget to have fun together. Your husband shouldn’t just be your romantic partner but also your best friend. You guys should laugh together, compete together, play together. It can be any game (Twister can be made quite entertaining as a married couple.) My husband happens to like video games. And he’s really competitive. He loves that I can’t beat him at any video game. Like ever. He doesn’t let me win either. But we’re doing something he enjoys and we’re having fun while doing it.
YOU plan a date night
I know it’s not traditional for the lady to plan dates. The man should pick the woman up and take her out and surprise her with….well surprises. But ladies we can be just as creative and romantic as men. Get a baby sitter, make reservations, get tickets to a concert, and surprise your man with a date night for the two of you. This lets him know that you are just as invested in your relationship as he is and that you value time with him. It makes him feel….important.
Write a note/letter
I know this sounds completely cheesy but it’s actually one of my favorite. Mainly because I love to write and it’s how I’m best at expressing myself. But it’s also so simple! You don’t have to be eloquent with words to write a quick note to your husband letting you know you appreciate him. You can simply write “Hope you have a great day! Love you!” on a sticky note and put it in his briefcase, pants pocket, whatever. I’ve gone a little overboard with this before and have had a whole “letter box”. Literally a box full of letters that I will write to my husband and one day, he’ll be able to read them all. Some of them are quite simple. Just about my day and maybe how he made my day better without even realizing it. Some of the letters are just a few sentences. Some are a few pages. But it’s so simple and literally cost you nothing to write a simple “love letter”. Yeah yeah, I’m straight out of The Notebook. Whatever. 🙂
Serve him dinner.
Note here I did not say cook him dinner. I said SERVE him dinner. I do this for my husband every night and didn’t think much of it. Until one day he out of no where said how special that makes him feel. And it’s so easy ladies! Simply put food on a plate and bring it to him. Here is where it can be easy to feel like a “servant” and to get in the negative mind set of “He has two legs. He can get his own food.” But God call us to be servants to our husbands. God doesn’t want us to be walked all over and taken advantage of. But there is absolutely nothing wrong with serving your husband his food at night. Remember when I said men like to feel important and appreciated? This is such an easy way to do it. You have to remember your heart change. Don’t make this about you. This is about serving your husband out of love.
Love on him
And I don’t necessarily mean anything sexual here. I’m talking about a back massage, letting him lay on you, rubbing his head. Nothing crazy. Be the big spoon. 🙂 I know I love to be held and loved on. It feels good. And men won’t admit it most the time but they like to be loved on too. In the right environment (maybe not at the dinner table in front of friends and family). But when it’s just you two don’t be shy to love on your man! Trust me, he’ll love it.
So there you have it. Five incredibly simple ways to love on your man. It seems like it should all be so easy. But there will be days that the very LAST thing you want to do is bring dinner to your husband, or play a game, or rub his back. That’s okay. You’re allowed to have your bad days. Your selfish days. But always come back to having a heart of a servant. Love your husband and your family without selfish ambition. Remember to love your family the way Jesus loved us when he died for us. Selflessly.
Thank you for reading and if you have another ideas or things you do to show love to your family please comment and let me know! I love to hear from my readers!