Have a “bloggeled” mind when you trying to blog can be rough. What is a bloggeled mind? A mind that is moving so fast you can hardly keep up. You can’t focus and you can’t seem to get on track with what you need to do. Including BLOGGING! Ugh. It’s a rough world people.
You want to know WHY my mind is so bloggeled? It’s been a tough few days. And I don’t mean tough in a “gah I have so much to do and the kids won’t stop crying and my house is a disaster” kind of tough. Even though that kind of tough is extremely…..well tough.
I am talking about the “my husband and I argued all weekend, I feel like I am completely breaking down, and I have no idea WHO I am” kind of tough. See, my husband broke it to me in a very gentle way that he doesn’t feel like “he knows me”. Talk about a punch to the stomach. What happened a split second later was another punch to the stomach. I don’t know who I am. When I really started to take a moment to think about it, the past 3, almost 4 years all I have literally done is try to take care of my kids and make my husband happy. And everyone else around me. Like my parents, my in-laws, my co-workers, and so on.
But that is just how I have always been. I have always been a “people pleaser” and I don’t know how to turn that off. Making people happy makes me happy. But we all know that saying, “You can’t help others until you help yourself.”. Well I’m finding it to be more and more true. I feel like I am running on empty. I feel like lately I am just constantly disappointing even when I’m trying really hard to NOT disappoint. I can’t help but think it’s because it doesn’t matter how hard I try to please other people, it’s not going to be good if I am not happy as well.
Basically, life is just going to be miserable if I don’t sooner or later start doing what makes me happy too. I am important too. No one is going to value me until I value me. Don’t get me wrong, I still LOVE to do things for other people. I love to see other people smile. But I have to invest in me too.
But where do I start? How do I find ME again? How do I figure out what makes me happy when all I know is making other people happy? I need a hobby….like a blog? 🙂 Yeah. A blog sounds cool. 😛 But what else? I used to LOVE line dancing. I used to go every weekend! (Don’t judge. I live in the south). Maybe that is an option. I should really try to hang out with friends more. It’s a little difficult with kids though. But it’s worth the effort right. I literally feel like I have no friends right now. But that’s my fault. I have been to wound up in my own life and my own little family. That’s okay though. Being a “newly wed” and a mother of 2 under the age of 3 is TIME CONSUMING. I just have to MAKE the time. And I will MAKE THE TIME. Because I am worth it.